It was a Sunday evening. I didn’t feel right. Bloated, queasy and having missed a period I thought, well that will be it, that’s the reason, I am late and just feeling yucky.
My fiancé didn’t agree. He said I wasn’t looking well or acting normally. Off he went to the local pharmacy and came back 20 minutes later with a pregnancy test in hand. Now go pee says he. Me, staring at him open mouthed then shaking my head in disbelief. Come on now he says reassuringly guiding me into the bathroom. I slam the door in his face. The nerve of him. Then I start thinking, what if he is right? I take the test. Instantly, and I mean instantly, not 30 secs, not even 10 seconds, this thing is showing positive. I hand it over. He makes a whoooosh noise and smiles. I burst into tears and sit back down on the loo. I wasn’t prepared for that.
I don’t think anything can prepare you for that feeling. It’s weird. It’s not like I was totally against having a baby but I wasn’t directly planning for it either. Not until I was married. My mind started racing. My thoughts varied from: I have a little person I am now fully responsible for. Thank goodness I haven’t drank heavily for weeks. That gym membership I just signed up for is useless now. What do I eat and what do I avoid? What do I read first? Do I need to subscribe to Mother & Baby? I need to make a GP appointment. What about stretch marks? Where do I shop for clothes? Do we need to buy a bigger house? I need to change my lifestyle completely. The list was endless.
Fortunately for me I have a very supportive partner but any comfort he was providing me with at that present moment was being totally pushed aside. I had to focus. How far on was I? I had only missed one period. Was this actually a bump or am I just a bit bloated?
When I was lying in bed that night I became very uncomfortable. It was as if, and this is going to sound silly… It was as if the baby was trying to get comfortable so every time I turned in bed I had a strange pain in my stomach and all of a sudden my breasts were on fire. This will also sound strange but when I woke up the next morning I was feeling really sick. Morning sickness already. Really? Then later that week I had to go shopping for new bras as I was bursting out of my normal size. I cannot even look at my favourite dish, pasta, without feeling like I am going to instantly heave.
Can anyone else relate to this? It is almost like you are not pregnant until it is confirmed to you and then all of a sudden. Boom! Now that you have accepted it, the symptoms hit you. One of my friends was 20 weeks on and still in size 8 skinny jeans when she found out she was pregnant with her second. This bamboozles me. I saw her the day before she found out, a day where we both drank our fill of Prosecco! She called me the next afternoon and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Then I saw her a week later and she had a large bump. That baby did a great job of hiding his existence until mum almost had a heart attack when she was informed she was 20 weeks into a pregnancy.
All of a sudden the panic about finding out you are pregnant turns into a coping mechanism. How to keep nausea at bay. What clothes to wear to disguise your swelling tummy. How to look ‘normal’ so that colleagues, friends and family don’t find out until you are ready to tell them.
For me, in the first trimester, fruit smoothies were my saviour. Salt and vinegar crisps also. I tended to reach out for something I would normally eat and then put it down as my stomach told me, no thanks or I will spew in protest. I completely went off fish and all meat. I could eat salads, fruit, crisps and toast with peanut butter at a push. Oh and hard boiled sweets, Haribos and ice lollies. Everything else was a no go. So a healthy mixture of vitamin infused fruit and veg and junk is how my diet was working at that point. I think at this stage, it is all about eating, no matter what it is. Just get some food into you to stop the nausea that creeps up rapidly to tell you that you need to eat. I had been trying to combat it by eating small snacks regularly and if that didn’t work, I had an ice cold glass of milk. This was my diet saviour for weeks. Also remembering to take folic acid supplements is a must.
Oh and a diary, you NEED a diary. I did ashamedly miss a midwife appointment due to ‘baby brain’.
How did you feel when you found out you were expecting? Was it a shock?
Let me know in the comments below.