I have been really struggling to muster up any energy or motivation to write up this most recent blog post. In fact it has taken me almost 2 months to publish this. The reason for this is that my morning sickness, which vanished at 4 months, has returned with a vengeance. It is worse than ever! I was not even aware that this was a possibility and have been completely floored by it. I am constantly feeling nauseous and in agony with burning heartburn. Gaviscon and Peptac did work at first but now the acid is so bad that my body is involuntarily sick first thing in the morning and again in the early evening. Nothing is staying down. So much so that my fiancé contacted out of hours medical service and had me admitted to hospital for checks. I was given an anti-sickness injection and allowed to leave after I managed to keep a bottle of water down. At this point the doctor officially signed me off work until my maternity leave date. Then reality really kicked in. I was finished work for a year. A whole year! Inconceivable.
This is the time you want to get the house all organised for the new baby arriving but the energy reserves just aren’t present for me. Bending down to even open a drawer results in severe nausea, which instantly floors me. Even sitting back on the couch is a real problem. I have to sit up as straight as possible to keep the horrific heartburn at bay.
I feel like I am really wasting time. Even TV programmes that would usually amuse me are of no interest. I am just not in the right headspace. I can’t get comfortable to read a book or my beloved Kindle either. I found this a real struggle. Being told to rest doesn’t alleviate things. Clockwatching isn’t nice when you know you have a huge to-do list to get through.
Paranoia also kicked in. Paranoia that people think you are using pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy. I would put dishes in the sink and fill it up with the hot soapy water and then leave them to steep as I felt like I was going to be sick into the sink every time I went near it. Housework was a real no go area.
Making food and eating have also been a real effort. I wish I could survive healthily on ice-lollies. They seem to be the only things that comfort me. Even tap water seemed to fill me with acid.
One of my main concerns was that I was going to ruin Christmas dinner for everyone as I could barely look at hot food never mind stomach the smell. Luckily, however, I managed just fine with my trusty bottle of aniseed flavoured Peptac by my side (for some reason the peppermint flavour doesn’t work as well for me). I just had to avoid my dad’s famous prawn cocktail, Irish coffee and the constant flow of champagne that was being indulged in around the table.
It is only when you are avoiding alcohol that you realise just how much and how quickly it affects everyone else around you. Halfway through the night I was actually worrying about how badly some family members were going to feel the next day. I thought to myself, I am not missing out one bit here. In fact there is a bottle of non-alcoholic wine that a friend gave me nestling in the back corner of my fridge. I haven’t even had an urge to crack this open. Even when the baby arrives, I don’t see myself craving alcohol at all. There will be far too many interrupted sleeps and early morning rises to cope with any after effects. Also, breastfeeding is a no go if you are drinking alcohol.
Being so sick really motivates you to get back to your best health as soon as possible. Alcohol doesn’t play a part in this for me. I have spent most of my twenties and early thirties indulging in a lifestyle where hangovers came with the territory. It is only now, with clarity of mind, that I have realised my priorities have changed, for the better!